Disclaimer: For those of you who know me, I hope you are reading this with my general sarcasm in mind. For those of you who I have not had the pleasure of meeting, please know that these blogs are my simple musings that express my personal opinions and frustrations about some of my daily, random observations. As most of my friends and family are aware, I generally focus on the bright side of things. This is the place I have created in order to explore "the other side"…..Thanks for stopping by!
Jobs, Jobs, Jobs….It’s the word on everyone’s mind these days. It seems there just aren’t enough of them to go around. As a business owner, I have witnessed, firsthand, all of the obstacles that can come between a proprietor and their ability to create jobs. It can be both a financial and bureaucratic nightmare. However, if you are lucky enough to defeat “the machine” and get your business open, you will have created at least ONE job. That’s the mission. That’s the goal. After that, it’s just a matter of finding the perfect person to fill the position!
Over the last 7 years, I have posted countless ads on craigslist.com looking for that perfect server, bartender, busser, runner, and on occasion, that enthusiastic and creative General Manager for one of our restaurants. Before 2007, if we posted a want ad for any of these positions, we could receive anywhere from 25-75 resumes in a 24 hour period. Now, when we post these ads, we receive anywhere from 200-600 resumes on any given day. Scary! The downside to this type of thing is pretty obvious….it’s a sign of a stubbornly inactive economy. The upside…..I get to be VERY choose-y when selecting our next employee.
In order to efficiently and effectively look at every candidate, I have a way of narrowing down the submissions to find that perfect person. So, I am going to let you job-seekers in on what exactly an employer like me is, or is NOT, looking for. My goal in sharing this with you is to help you employment-hunters out there secure a position that will both fulfill your needs and the needs of the business that hires you. While some folks may find my criteria shallow or unfair, it has proven to be generally successful for our restaurant company. It seems that the majority of feedback we receive from our dining guests would support the belief that our staff is professional, fun and, overall, take great pride in their workplace. In addition, I’ve had the great pleasure of watching our staff grow into a terrific working-family (with all of it‘s quirky dynamics). In fact, more than half of our staff at Henry’s Hat has been there since the very beginning (the rest joining our team as our business grew), and several members of our staff at Luna Park have been there since it’s conception, nearly eight years ago. So, with that, I’ve come to believe that hiring people is something I’ve had a little success with, and this criteria has been responsible for much of that. So, here it goes….every little bit helps.
Whenever I post an ad for a new employee, I have a lot of criteria floating around in my head. Does the position require someone “more mature” or someone a little “fresher?”….. male or a female?…..someone to work weekends or just day shifts? Believe it or not, every position is a little different and requires different experience and skill sets. Lets pretend I’m looking for someone to work behind the bar, full time, mostly nights and weekends (our busiest times), during the height of football season (one of our resto‘s has 17 TV‘s)……Okay, my ideal candidate is going to most likely be female, have at least 3-5 years bartending experience (meaning seasoned, but not a “life-r“), open availability, beautiful (meaning thin and athletic), funny and definitely well-educated. Why these particular qualities for this particular position???….It’s football season, right? So, a hot girl is going to be most pleasing to our sports fanatic, jock-type, frat-crowd we will most likely be serving. Next, if this position will require mostly nights and weekend shifts, we will definitely need a skilled (but not jaded or burnt out) bartender. To put it simply, you need to be eager, enthusiastic, buoyant ….. and in shape! Physically, bartending when it’s busy is like doing aerobics for 8 hours. You need stamina, and often, a high tolerance for pain. Also, when the bar gets busy, the job requires a lot of fast paced movement (mostly dodging other bartenders). Since bars are generally very narrow, being thin and agile is a must. It’s just a matter of being able to move around a lot. See??? Practical…not vein!!! Now, the “funny” and “well-educated” requirements have to do with conflict resolution. Problems and mistakes happen all the time in restaurants. For instance, on any given weekend night, when you have 200 people ordering modified menu items from 15 staff members which are entered into 1 of 4 computers and then sent to 1 of 3 printers and are made by 5 cooks and sent to 1 of 30 tables by 2 or 3 food runners, some things are bound to have been missed or made incorrectly. It happens. Everywhere. When this happens, and you point out our glaring omission, we hope that you are met with both a charming and compassionate server or bartender. Employees that are quick on their feet can quickly take the edge off, make you feel important, make you laugh, AND fix the problem in the most expedient way possible. These are the staff members that bring joy to my life. Finding these qualities may seem simple enough, but it’s a rare trait; and one that is nearly impossible to teach.
Now, per the example above, I find that it helps to ask applicants to attach a photo to their resume when submitting them online. Since two of our three restaurants happen to be located in the headshot capitol of the world, it‘s relatively common for employers to request this. As I previously touched on, looks sometimes matter! I think it’s fair to equate the look and feel of the employee to the look and feel of the restaurant in general. Having attractive staff is part of the one-two punch of a restaurants very first impression. Upon entering the establishment, you immediately get the “vibe” of the place by noticing the details like wall color, furniture, décor, music, lighting, etc. These details, whether you’re immediately conscious of it or not, were carefully chosen by us to design an accurate expectation of the experience you are about to have. To follow this immediate sensory upload, it’s important to be greeted by someone who, by their look and demeanor, will confirm that expectation. This is not meant to be an act of vanity…..just an act of wanting consistency.
Now, if I receive 600 resumes, ask that you attach a picture, and you don’t……it’s very possible that I won’t even open your email for fear that either you “don’t want to conform to such nonsense” or that you think adding a photo will exploit some horrible facial defect or something. Either way, it’s probably not going to be a good fit for either of us. On the flip side, please ladies…..PAH-LEEEZ…don’t attach your “I wanna get nasty” photo!! I can’t tell you how many lingerie-clad, inappropriately posed, female “sexy-face,” ridiculous looking photos I’ve gotten. What the hell are you trying to accomplish?? Waiting tables does not require a lap dance!! At least not at our restaurants! Geez!!! Have some self respect!…..Also, PS…Attaching the weird “one-handed-self-iPhone-picture” just eludes to the fact that you are the kind of person that likes taking pictures of yourself….alone…..in your room…..by yourself…..which only gives off the impression that you may be a scary-stalker-ish kind of person and/or that, possibly, you just don’t have any friends. Neither is something that will entice me to call you for an interview.
Now, the following are five items of simple advice when emailing a resume:
1) Don’t apply through someone else’s email address. If the example I mentioned above would compel me to look for a female, and you apply with your boyfriend’s email address, I may simply pass over it. It also makes me wonder if you have yet to figure out how to create your own email account.
2) “PDF: Please Don’t Fuck-up the format! Make sure you attach your resume in a format that I can open. If I can’t open it, I will just frustratedly click “next.”
3) Keep it short. Usually the first two sentences of any cover letter are the only two I will read. I don’t need your whole life story, and I’m not looking for you to woo me with your literary skills….at least not for the restaurant business. A good opening line would go something like, “I saw your ad, and I think I’m what you’re looking for. Check out my resume for more information about me. Ps. I have great references!” With that, I’d be eager to see what you’ve got!
4) Sometimes, withholding information can work in your favor. If you’re applying for a management position, and you say you have 30 years of restaurant experience, I begin to doubt you’re motivation. Why? If you’ve ever managed a restaurant, you know that it is, BY FAR, the HARDEST job you can take on in a restaurant. In my opinion, the only reason anyone should take on such unrelenting responsibilities is if they have plans to open and own their own restaurant. If you’ve been managing other people’s places for 30 years, either a) you’re not learning quickly enough, or b) you don’t have the confidence to try it for yourself. Bottom line, if you’re good enough and know enough about running a business, DO IT! Just my opinion….
5) The "education" section is important. If you include a college on your resume, and only state what your major was, I know you didn’t graduate. I don’t particularly care if you went to college or not, but don’t put something on your resume that you didn’t finish. It just gives the impression that you may be a quitter.
6) Don’t show off your “job-hopping". If I see that you have a string of 3 month jobs (even if they’re in the most notable restaurants in town), I know that you’re either going to quit or I’m going to end up firing you. It’s clear that these short stints are either a sign of a lack of loyalty, poor work ethic or an inability to work well with others. None of these traits are attractive to an owner who has to spend precious time and money training you. It’s only worth it on our end if your work history would dictate that you’re likely to stay.
The next step is the interview. After choosing a handful of select applicants, I’ll set aside an hour or so to meet with all of them. I am a firm believer that you can get a pretty good sense of someone’s personality and skills within the first few minutes of meeting them. After all, as a server/bartender, you will usually only interact with your guests for a total of roughly 10 minutes on average. During that limited window of time, we hope as owners, that you will have made the appropriate impression on a guest. Therefore, this is how much time you’ll have to show me what you’ve got. When interviewing, I try to let the applicant steer the interview. While I’ll ask an array of questions, I’ll let the interviewee take me where they want to go. By doing this, I get an inside look at how you think, speak, and what’s truly at the heart of who you are. With that, here is some very standard advice when sitting across from a possible future employer:
1) Know what you’re best AND worst qualities are. I always ask applicants what they think their previous employer would tell me about them if I were to call them for a reference. I’ll ask, “How do you think they would respond if I asked them to tell me the best thing about having you as an employee AND on the flip side, what do you think they would say was the one thing you needed to work on?” In response, applicants usually have no problem listing their positive qualities, however, the response to the other side of that question says A LOT! It’s not a trick question! I truly believe that we succeed at the things we’re great at, but we can fail because of the one thing we’re bad at….simply because we don’t know that we’re bad at it. Knowing your weaknesses means that you’re self-aware, you understand that you’re not perfect, and that because you’re aware, you are always working towards improving. I’m not looking for “perfect.” I am looking for someone I can train though., and that starts with knowing where you can improve.
2) Don’t rag on your last job!! I will usually go through your resume and ask what provoked each job change. When I do this, I’m hoping that each transition was due to some type of promotion, life improvement or geographical move. However, I can’t tell you how often people use this as an excuse to vent about how much they hated their previous gig. When folks use this as an opportunity to spill shop secrets about how their former employers “cheated on their taxes” or “they didn’t know what they were doing,” I will seriously want to end the interview right then and there. First of all, BAD ENERGY=TOXIC! Second of all, how the hell would you know the in’s and out’s of someone else’s business by serving food to customers 3 days a week? When an applicant blames their negative experience at a job on everyone but themselves, I tend to believe that the problem most likely lies within. I don’t EVER hire these people.
3) Please don’t show up in your gym clothes…and ladies, put some make up on! This is pretty straight forward. Showing that you take pride in yourself is the only reason I would assume you would take pride in your job. While I know some ladies think they don’t need to wear make-up, I am here to tell you that YES YOU DO! Everyone looks better when they‘re properly made up, and if you happen to work for me, you’ll learn that I have been known to send people home to “finish getting ready” when they arrive to work with wet hair and no make-up. Since most of our employees are struggling actors, I tend to gently remind them that anyone in their section that night could be a casting director. Works like a charm!
4) Make eye contact! While this may seem like a simple idea, you would be surprised at how many people come to an interview and leave their self esteem at home. Making eye contact is an immediate sign of self confidence. If you don’t have it, we won’t have it in you. I think this is generally true in all aspects of life.
5) Don’t come to an interview smelling like booze or cigarettes! I recently interviewed a guy for a General Manager position, and low and behold, it became clear within minutes that he was wasted! This was quickly confirmed for me when I saw my bartender cutting off his girlfriend at the bar in the other room…..while I was interviewing him!! Seriously?!!? So, I guess it just has to be said! Don’t drink and interview! Also, while I have been known to smoke a cig or two, don’t come in smelling like an ashtray because A) I know that if I hire you, you’ll be asking for a break every five minutes, and B) I know that it doesn’t bother you to serve delicious food to a table while offending them with your disgusting odor. I try not to hire smokers, but if I do, they are not allowed to smoke while on our clock!
So, to sum it all up, just as every news reporter, financial analyst and government official has been hammering home for the last three years, it’s simply a new day and age in the job market. Businesses are being forced to downsize, budgets are getting slashed everywhere, and it has resulted in the largest sustained unemployment rate since the Great Depression. It’s a critical time out there. In this kind of market, there are only a few things that we can all do. If you’re out there looking for a job, know what you’re strengths are, put together the best package possible to represent yourself, persistently apply to anything and everything within your skill set, and then pray. If you’re not looking, do what you can to help a friend who is, and then quietly thank your lucky little stars!
Next time, in "The Hunt" - Part 2, I will discuss my observations and experiences from the other side of the interview table......that all important "audition room". Stay tuned.....
Happy Hunting! xo
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” - Oscar Wilde
xo Martha
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1094168/
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Being Hard on Yourself!
Disclaimer: For those of you who know me, I hope you are reading this with my general sarcasm in mind. For those of you who I have not had the pleasure of meeting, please know that these blogs are my simple musings that express my personal opinions and frustrations about some of my daily, random observations. As most of my friends and family are aware, I generally focus on the bright side of things. This is the place I have created in order to explore "the other side"…..Thanks for stopping by!
When I put my daily performance in life under the microscope, I often feel frustrated by not being better at something that I think I should be great at. I often find myself in situations where I’ll beat myself up a little bit about that last piece of cake I just ate, or that nasty thing I just said that I knew I shouldn’t have, or that terrible skirt I should’ve thought twice about wearing in front of someone’s camera. When I express these things to my friends, they usually reply with some form of, “Don’t be so hard on yourself,” and follow it up with something like, “I’m sure you’ll be fine.” EXACTLY!! I’m sure with those types of mistakes, I’ll be JUST FINE! Well, I don’t want to be just fine! I want to be great! I want to make an impact! For lack of a better phrase, I’ll just take a page from the Army motto book and scream at the top of my lungs that, “I want to be ALL that I can be!!”
I think that there is too much entitlement in the world today. I think there are too many parents and teachers and coaches out there that coddle today’s children who fail to reach their full potential on a daily basis. For example, let’s say you see a truly gifted 10 year old gymnast who is part of a nationally ranked competitive team that’s on track to make it to the Olympics. Now, if making it to the Olympics is the goal, and you want your kid AND their team to do the best they can and make it as far as possible, why would anyone be compelled to congratulate them for anything less than their best? Let’s say the kid falls down during a floor routine. Should the parent say something like, “Well, the rest of it was amazing, and you’re amazing!” or should they reply with, “Let’s get you to the gym an hour early next time to give you more time to practice so that you don’t make that mistake again.” Which is more loving? Which is more supportive? Who knows…..I guess it depends on the kid.
Now, I was never a gymnast, but I did compete in dance from the time I was about 12 years old, and I did perform in front of audiences from the age of about 6. I AM the kid that would want honesty so that I could improve. I AM the kid that would feel incredible humiliation if someone said “you did fine.“ If my parents or my teachers or my coaches didn’t give it to me straight, I would not have had the skill or the skin necessary to succeed in either the restaurant business or the entertainment industry. While my overall success in these respective fields is still up for debate, I do believe that I have found a few successes in my life because I was never allowed to believe any kind of delusion that I could be great without a tremendous amount of work and perseverance. I have rarely uttered words about fairness, deservedness or entitlement. I don’t believe in that. What I believe in is hard work. I have also been taught on many occasions that “working hard” is totally different from “hard work“. While working hard may require long hours or sweat and tears, hard work is simply about doing things that are hard.
When it comes to my restaurant, I am often faced with brutal feedback from our guests about things that may have gone awry during their dining experience. With the current venting sites like Yelp.com and Citysearch.com, I’ve come to know criticism in a new and immediate way. While I wish these websites would crumble and die, I’ve had to thicken my skin and take it like a man! The upside to getting called out in such a public way is that I can fix any issues that come up just as immediately as I’m made aware of them. I do this because I strive to have the best restaurant that I can. I do this because I’m harder on myself than these reviewers are on me. However, I would like to point out that if these same critics could come into a nine-to-fiver’s cubicle and scrutinize their every method of doing things in a public forum, it could possibly go something like….
“I went into Sarah’s office this morning, and boy….was it a freaking disaster area!!! I mean seriously, a bowl of freaking M&M’s on the desk for every non-hand-washing pooper in there! Gross! And the way she was talking up her skill set to me…..Pah-leez! I didn’t even think she was average at sharpening her pencils! I mean, how hard it is to sharpen….freaking….pencils?!!? And her typing??? I wonder if her boss knows that she can only type 50 words a minute!! Not to mention, she had to backspace like 100 times while writing a simple memo! Sheesh! Although some of her co-workers seem to be fond of her, I would NEVER hire this chick! Like…EVER!”
So, I ask of you, my dear readers who blog on Yelp and other sites like it, what would YOUR star rating be if they came in and reviewed YOUR work? If you think it would be somewhere in the 2-3 star range, I beg of you…..BE HARDER ON YOURSELF! A four star rating is crucial if you want to be taken seriously! Trust me!
Now, when I was working on the soap, I got criticism from every corner, every day, everywhere. With the combination of message boards, critical bosses and of course, the actual TV screen itself, I heard all about the issues I was having with my fluctuating weight, my “incredibly large forehead”, the fact that I looked waaaay too old to play the character I was hired to play, etc etc etc. I have to admit that these were all pretty difficult pills to swallow at first. However, after hearing this kind of criticism, I realized that I wasn’t being hard enough on myself. Of course I have always known that the weight thing was an issue. Throughout my life, like many young female overachievers, I have struggled with my weight and eating disorders. I’ve been 100 pounds, and I’ve been 140 pounds. Neither weight (or method of becoming that weight) was healthy, nor did it make me happy. A couple of years into my tenure on the show, I was spoken to about my increasing size. In a word, I felt humiliated. I felt like “Carrie” (at the end of the movie where Sissy Spacek was standing on stage in a happy, contented moment and then, in both shock and horror, was washed over with warm, bubbling pig blood). Unlike “Carrie,” I wasn’t driven to kill all the spectators with my telekinetic powers. However painful, I did recognize that it must’ve been incredibly uncomfortable for my boss to have to sit across from me and deliver that kind of critique. In his defense, it was his job to be hard on HIMself and the show and do whatever it took to get it looking the way they all wanted it to. It was a necessary conversation on his part, and I fully understood it and respected it. Without getting too much into it, that moment taught me, on a professional level, that maintaining a “Hollywood healthy” weight would be both incredibly difficult and absolutely necessary. I have learned that this is an area that I HAVE to be VERY hard on myself without becoming compulsive or neurotic about it. I’ve reached a point in my life where I know that I have to work out every day and make healthy choices about what I eat every time I decide to have a meal. With that, I’ve chosen to be happy with whatever the results of that are. Am I the hottest hottie in Hollywood???? Hell no. Am I happy with how I look? Not always. Am I healthy? Hallelujah, yes, I am!!
Now, the forehead thing is simply genetic, however my hairstyle is always a choice. I’ve had extensions, chopped it all off, had bangs, no bangs, highlights, lowlights…..you name it, I’ve tried it. Why? Because I’m hard on myself. I want to have good hair and a nicely shaped cut. I understand that if you have a face shaped and proportioned like mine, you have to work on making it as “watchable” as possible. I remember once on the show that I decided I had had extensions long enough. I wanted them OUT and I wanted a cute short/chopped cut. I came in to shoot the next day and received rave reviews from the hairdressers there. However, after I finished my scenes, I got called up to the boss’s office and was told that I needed to put the extensions back in. I was mortified and embarrassed. Had I really made such a horrible mistake by cutting my long locks? Apparently. Of course, I did what I was told and went straight to the hairdresser after work. Why? Because they were hard on me, therefore I was hard on myself. I wanted to please whoever I was supposed to please in order to maintain goodwill in a job that I coveted. If that meant putting 100 little daggers in my scull to lengthen my hair, then I was certainly eager to oblige. It was all part of the unspoken agreement you make with the universe (and the network) when you decide you want to be a TV actress.
Lastly, the age thing was tricky. First off, just let me say that I was 27 when I was hired for that job. TWENTY SEVEN IS NOT OLD, PEOPLE!! I can’t change the year I was born, nor would I want to. That would mean that I would’ve missed the colorful carnival ride that was the 80’s. I would’ve missed out on the youthful crush I had on CeCe from Poison!! I would’ve missed out on MC Hammer pants at the eighth grade dance. For God’s sake, I would’ve missed out on Fraggle Rock, people! These were all incredibly formative influences in my life, so NO! I will not participate in being hard on myself there.
In wrapping this up, I should touch on the topic of what I believe it means to actually be too hard on yourself. In my opinion, there are many times when someone can truly be far too hard on themselves. When outside forces like disabilities, economic challenges, natural disasters, psychological trauma, etc, come into play in your life and you feel like you should be able to rise above them on your own, you may be mistaken. Sometimes, God will present us with challenges that we cannot control. All we can do in situations like these is our best. If you do nothing, then yes, you should do something. If you’re doing something, but you are still able to push yourself a little bit further, then yes you should. However, if you’re doing everything you can and it isn’t getting you where you want to be, then you should stop for a moment. Recognize your efforts. Recognize your strengths. Recognize what you’ve done to get yourself as far as you have, and thank yourself. When we realize that we are all only capable of our absolute best (and we push ourselves to achieve that), it is then we can find comfort in looking up and finding strength from above to get us the rest of the way there.
As my husband often reminds me, “Hope is not a plan.“ I hope to be a working actress. I hope to have a thriving business. I hope to be a great wife and, someday, a great parent. However, I have no delusions about how much hard work it will take to achieve those things. To put it simply, I believe to be good, we need to do good…..which is often doing things and facing things that are hard. As the Coen brothers so poignantly stated in opening sequence of True Grit, “Nothing in life is free but the grace of God.”
When I put my daily performance in life under the microscope, I often feel frustrated by not being better at something that I think I should be great at. I often find myself in situations where I’ll beat myself up a little bit about that last piece of cake I just ate, or that nasty thing I just said that I knew I shouldn’t have, or that terrible skirt I should’ve thought twice about wearing in front of someone’s camera. When I express these things to my friends, they usually reply with some form of, “Don’t be so hard on yourself,” and follow it up with something like, “I’m sure you’ll be fine.” EXACTLY!! I’m sure with those types of mistakes, I’ll be JUST FINE! Well, I don’t want to be just fine! I want to be great! I want to make an impact! For lack of a better phrase, I’ll just take a page from the Army motto book and scream at the top of my lungs that, “I want to be ALL that I can be!!”
I think that there is too much entitlement in the world today. I think there are too many parents and teachers and coaches out there that coddle today’s children who fail to reach their full potential on a daily basis. For example, let’s say you see a truly gifted 10 year old gymnast who is part of a nationally ranked competitive team that’s on track to make it to the Olympics. Now, if making it to the Olympics is the goal, and you want your kid AND their team to do the best they can and make it as far as possible, why would anyone be compelled to congratulate them for anything less than their best? Let’s say the kid falls down during a floor routine. Should the parent say something like, “Well, the rest of it was amazing, and you’re amazing!” or should they reply with, “Let’s get you to the gym an hour early next time to give you more time to practice so that you don’t make that mistake again.” Which is more loving? Which is more supportive? Who knows…..I guess it depends on the kid.
Now, I was never a gymnast, but I did compete in dance from the time I was about 12 years old, and I did perform in front of audiences from the age of about 6. I AM the kid that would want honesty so that I could improve. I AM the kid that would feel incredible humiliation if someone said “you did fine.“ If my parents or my teachers or my coaches didn’t give it to me straight, I would not have had the skill or the skin necessary to succeed in either the restaurant business or the entertainment industry. While my overall success in these respective fields is still up for debate, I do believe that I have found a few successes in my life because I was never allowed to believe any kind of delusion that I could be great without a tremendous amount of work and perseverance. I have rarely uttered words about fairness, deservedness or entitlement. I don’t believe in that. What I believe in is hard work. I have also been taught on many occasions that “working hard” is totally different from “hard work“. While working hard may require long hours or sweat and tears, hard work is simply about doing things that are hard.
When it comes to my restaurant, I am often faced with brutal feedback from our guests about things that may have gone awry during their dining experience. With the current venting sites like Yelp.com and Citysearch.com, I’ve come to know criticism in a new and immediate way. While I wish these websites would crumble and die, I’ve had to thicken my skin and take it like a man! The upside to getting called out in such a public way is that I can fix any issues that come up just as immediately as I’m made aware of them. I do this because I strive to have the best restaurant that I can. I do this because I’m harder on myself than these reviewers are on me. However, I would like to point out that if these same critics could come into a nine-to-fiver’s cubicle and scrutinize their every method of doing things in a public forum, it could possibly go something like….
“I went into Sarah’s office this morning, and boy….was it a freaking disaster area!!! I mean seriously, a bowl of freaking M&M’s on the desk for every non-hand-washing pooper in there! Gross! And the way she was talking up her skill set to me…..Pah-leez! I didn’t even think she was average at sharpening her pencils! I mean, how hard it is to sharpen….freaking….pencils?!!? And her typing??? I wonder if her boss knows that she can only type 50 words a minute!! Not to mention, she had to backspace like 100 times while writing a simple memo! Sheesh! Although some of her co-workers seem to be fond of her, I would NEVER hire this chick! Like…EVER!”
So, I ask of you, my dear readers who blog on Yelp and other sites like it, what would YOUR star rating be if they came in and reviewed YOUR work? If you think it would be somewhere in the 2-3 star range, I beg of you…..BE HARDER ON YOURSELF! A four star rating is crucial if you want to be taken seriously! Trust me!
Now, when I was working on the soap, I got criticism from every corner, every day, everywhere. With the combination of message boards, critical bosses and of course, the actual TV screen itself, I heard all about the issues I was having with my fluctuating weight, my “incredibly large forehead”, the fact that I looked waaaay too old to play the character I was hired to play, etc etc etc. I have to admit that these were all pretty difficult pills to swallow at first. However, after hearing this kind of criticism, I realized that I wasn’t being hard enough on myself. Of course I have always known that the weight thing was an issue. Throughout my life, like many young female overachievers, I have struggled with my weight and eating disorders. I’ve been 100 pounds, and I’ve been 140 pounds. Neither weight (or method of becoming that weight) was healthy, nor did it make me happy. A couple of years into my tenure on the show, I was spoken to about my increasing size. In a word, I felt humiliated. I felt like “Carrie” (at the end of the movie where Sissy Spacek was standing on stage in a happy, contented moment and then, in both shock and horror, was washed over with warm, bubbling pig blood). Unlike “Carrie,” I wasn’t driven to kill all the spectators with my telekinetic powers. However painful, I did recognize that it must’ve been incredibly uncomfortable for my boss to have to sit across from me and deliver that kind of critique. In his defense, it was his job to be hard on HIMself and the show and do whatever it took to get it looking the way they all wanted it to. It was a necessary conversation on his part, and I fully understood it and respected it. Without getting too much into it, that moment taught me, on a professional level, that maintaining a “Hollywood healthy” weight would be both incredibly difficult and absolutely necessary. I have learned that this is an area that I HAVE to be VERY hard on myself without becoming compulsive or neurotic about it. I’ve reached a point in my life where I know that I have to work out every day and make healthy choices about what I eat every time I decide to have a meal. With that, I’ve chosen to be happy with whatever the results of that are. Am I the hottest hottie in Hollywood???? Hell no. Am I happy with how I look? Not always. Am I healthy? Hallelujah, yes, I am!!
Now, the forehead thing is simply genetic, however my hairstyle is always a choice. I’ve had extensions, chopped it all off, had bangs, no bangs, highlights, lowlights…..you name it, I’ve tried it. Why? Because I’m hard on myself. I want to have good hair and a nicely shaped cut. I understand that if you have a face shaped and proportioned like mine, you have to work on making it as “watchable” as possible. I remember once on the show that I decided I had had extensions long enough. I wanted them OUT and I wanted a cute short/chopped cut. I came in to shoot the next day and received rave reviews from the hairdressers there. However, after I finished my scenes, I got called up to the boss’s office and was told that I needed to put the extensions back in. I was mortified and embarrassed. Had I really made such a horrible mistake by cutting my long locks? Apparently. Of course, I did what I was told and went straight to the hairdresser after work. Why? Because they were hard on me, therefore I was hard on myself. I wanted to please whoever I was supposed to please in order to maintain goodwill in a job that I coveted. If that meant putting 100 little daggers in my scull to lengthen my hair, then I was certainly eager to oblige. It was all part of the unspoken agreement you make with the universe (and the network) when you decide you want to be a TV actress.
Lastly, the age thing was tricky. First off, just let me say that I was 27 when I was hired for that job. TWENTY SEVEN IS NOT OLD, PEOPLE!! I can’t change the year I was born, nor would I want to. That would mean that I would’ve missed the colorful carnival ride that was the 80’s. I would’ve missed out on the youthful crush I had on CeCe from Poison!! I would’ve missed out on MC Hammer pants at the eighth grade dance. For God’s sake, I would’ve missed out on Fraggle Rock, people! These were all incredibly formative influences in my life, so NO! I will not participate in being hard on myself there.
In wrapping this up, I should touch on the topic of what I believe it means to actually be too hard on yourself. In my opinion, there are many times when someone can truly be far too hard on themselves. When outside forces like disabilities, economic challenges, natural disasters, psychological trauma, etc, come into play in your life and you feel like you should be able to rise above them on your own, you may be mistaken. Sometimes, God will present us with challenges that we cannot control. All we can do in situations like these is our best. If you do nothing, then yes, you should do something. If you’re doing something, but you are still able to push yourself a little bit further, then yes you should. However, if you’re doing everything you can and it isn’t getting you where you want to be, then you should stop for a moment. Recognize your efforts. Recognize your strengths. Recognize what you’ve done to get yourself as far as you have, and thank yourself. When we realize that we are all only capable of our absolute best (and we push ourselves to achieve that), it is then we can find comfort in looking up and finding strength from above to get us the rest of the way there.
As my husband often reminds me, “Hope is not a plan.“ I hope to be a working actress. I hope to have a thriving business. I hope to be a great wife and, someday, a great parent. However, I have no delusions about how much hard work it will take to achieve those things. To put it simply, I believe to be good, we need to do good…..which is often doing things and facing things that are hard. As the Coen brothers so poignantly stated in opening sequence of True Grit, “Nothing in life is free but the grace of God.”
Saturday, January 15, 2011
IT'S ALL IN THE TIP!
Disclaimer: For those of you who know me, I hope you are reading this with my general sarcasm in mind. For those of you who I have not had the pleasure of meeting, please know that these blogs are my simple musings that express my personal opinions and frustrations about some of my daily, random observations. As most of my friends and family are aware, I generally focus on the bright side of things. This is the place I have created in order to explore "the other side"…..Thanks for stopping by!
Mark Twain said, "A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation." While I agree that this is especially true of people who consistently phrase sentences to exploit words like ‘douche bag’ and ‘awesome’, I differ from Twain in my understanding of a man’s character. After over a decade of working in restaurants, I believe that a man’s real character may be learned from how he tips.
In my experiences within the restaurant business, it has become abundantly clear to me that there are no less than five types of tippers….therefore, in my opinion, there are only five categories of guests with which I will interact throughout the day.
1) The “pay as you play-er”
2) The “pile maker”
3) The “fifteen percent-er”
4) The “over-the-topper”
5) The “stiffer”
Let’s start with number 1, the “pay as you play” guest. This is the guy/gal at the bar who will buy a drink with cash and leave a dollar for each drink as he/she goes. Now, this is the most common type of tipper. However, it should be noted that, as a bartender, there is an enormous difference between popping a bottled beer open……and with making you a Cadillac Margarita consisting of fresh muddled lime, no salt, shaken and strained (half over ice and the rest in a martini glass). Both drinks should not garner the same $1 bill as a tip. Although the buck is great for the beer (and even a few easy-to-make, pink martini’s), an extra buck on that high maintenance tequila-fest goes a loooong way! Ole!
Next, the “pile-maker.” No, this is not in reference to the friendly, slur-happy accountant who makes a wee-wee at the bar and then, awe-inspired, points and laughs at it as though he had fully regressed to a 14 month old. Although, I’ve seen that guy in action, the “pile-maker” actually refers to the lesser known of the tippers. This is the guy that sits at the bar and, instead of opening a credit card tab (as most do), may start with something large, like a hundred dollar bill, which is to be broken down into change drink-by-drink….all the while, leaving his pile of cash in front of him at the bar. This is to signal to the bartender that …
1. He can afford to drink
2. He’s going to be there……for AWHILE.
3. He doesn’t want you to interrupt him by constantly asking for his last name (to find his tab).
What this tipper says to me is that he is probably fiscally responsible (according to his lack of credit card), that he is uncomfortable having conversation with minimum wage earners, that he is likely accustomed to heavy drinking (because he clearly understands the not-so-well-known rule of ‘”piling”), and that if an attractive woman sits within eye-shot, that he is hopeful of appearing LOADED and AVAILABLE for inquiries as to his job and marital status. All in all, this guy is not my favorite. However, if he doesn’t reach the bottom of his pile before stumbling out the door (while leaving the remains of his pile on the bar), he is often a great tipper. On the other hand, if he depletes that hefty pile before parting ways, he could possibly fall into either the “fifteen percent-er” or “stiffer” categories, depending on how many drinkypoos he digested…..making him a not-so-favorite guest the next time he lays his cash out on my bar.
The third type of tipper is the “fifteen percent-er.” This tipper is usually over the age of 55 OR a European. I say this because only our more advanced-in-age guests and our foreign, albeit tourist-y, guests are under the impression that 15% is a good tip. This is due, in part. to out-of-date US travel guides and/or to an out-of-date understanding of how the service industry works. For example, my grandfather, a well-regarded, well-educated southern gentleman is by all means a social elite in his community. By most standards, he’s not only a wealthy man, but a socially conscious one as well. However, on the many occasions that we’ve dined together, it has become evident to me that he is a “fifteen percent-er”. Now, with this information, I think it’s important to point out that he was tipping 15% back in the early 90’s as well. As is true for many of our American senior citizens, he just hasn’t been able to grasp the idea of adjusting for inflation. It is true that in 1991, tipping 15% was nearly qualifying him as an “over-the-topper,” but as the US dollar has inflated and housing prices have skyrocketed, service tips have become necessary to the income of the minimum-wage-earning service community. Now, as far as our European friends, I’ve always been impressed by their world education and language skills. Therefore, I am sticking to my theory that they may just, in fact, be using their European-ness to knowingly rip off our hard working American servers and blame it on the fact that they don’t normally tip at all in Europe. Well, to those Euro-hipsters I say, you’re in America now! Since we’re lacking in your Euro-style social safety nets (I’ll leave my opinion out on that one), we have to put faith in the idea that all of our guests will tip an average of 20% so that we may be able to provide for ourselves the many great services that you all provide for each other. USA = every man for himself!
Next, we should spend some time analyzing and assessing the childhoods of the “over the toppers.” There are only a few reasons why people overcompensate any time they are faced with an option like tipping...
1) Their parents told them they would never amount to anything, and they believe that during the 60 minutes you’re serving them, that you will undoubtedly come to the same conclusion….and they aim to prove you (and their parents) wrong.
2) They believe that money = power, and power = a date with the hot waitress. (PS….Hey, CAA Junior Agent…..she’s not gonna blow you because you left her 30%. Give her your card and promise her a speaking role in the next Spielberg movie……that should do the trick!)
3) They are super loaded and have the opposite of the “fifteen percent-er“ syndrome. (ie; their business manager does most of their daily financial dealings). Oh brother!
4) They’re drunk and have no idea that the hundred dollar bill they just left you wasn’t a ten dollar bill they meant to leave .
This particular tipper is tricky. They’re hard to gauge, and most of the time, they’ve left the building before you even notice that this guy is an “over the topper.” So, if you’re a server who’s into guys that try to buy your affections, it’s usually too late to say thank you and ask for his number. However, if you’re a cynic like me, it’s usually a relief to know that you don’t have to pretend to be thankful to a guy that was obviously trying to manipulate you with a tip. Geez!
Finally, the last kind of tipper, the “stiffer” is simply-put, an asshole. Let’s break down the steps of service we provide for that big pile of nothing you think our hard work is worth, shall we….
I bring a smile and energy to your table in order to make you feel comfortable and at home in our establishment. I then tell you about our specials, offer to get you whatever drink you’d like….basil?? Sure, we can make you something with basil! I answer any menu questions you have, and then laugh at your “hilarious” interpretation of what the “jerk chicken” REALLY means. I go put your drink order in the computer, make your drink, bring you your drink and top off your water glasses. I perfectly time your appetizer order so that your JUST finishing it as your entrée is ready (and piping hot). I go fetch you that bottle of tobasco…..oh wait, you’d rather have Tapatia?? No problem….let me go find every hot sauce option we can muster up. After that, I bring you an extra napkin because you’re a freakin’ slob. I again laugh at how adorable “messy” can be, and refill your waters again. Once I’m sure you’ve been satisfied by things so far, I clean your disgusting plates away (all the while, getting bits of your chewed up chicken fat on my new shirt) and in return, bring you an array of dessert options that my trainer would never even allow me to look at. You want the molten chocolate cake??? Fuck you, my hormones say, but I bring it with my everlasting smile and charm and watch you devour it while every fiber of my being wants to strip it away from you and scream how unfair it is that I’m supposed to be skinny and you can be a fat, unfunny PIG!! I digress……I clear away the empty plate with sheer sadness but pull my chocolate-longing together and return with profound excitement for the big payoff. I drop the check and ask how you enjoyed everything, and you reply with, “hmmmm…it was…..fine” I immediately think, “Uh-oh! This can’t be good.” Sure enough, $45 dollar tab, with ZERO tip?!? It can’t be!!! After all of that?!?!
All I can say is KARMA IS A BITCH, A**HOLE!….and I never forget a face! Come on back and see us, ya hear!
Now, I can hear some of you saying, “if you want more money, get another kind of job!“ OR “you think that’s hard? Try my job for a week!“ To the first guy, I say, “This is LA, and if you want to audition in this town, you have to be available during the day. This means that you have to be able to work at night. Since most gals out here prefer to keep their clothes on at work (unless “Californication” calls) and pride themselves on not breaking any laws, working in restaurants is the only real option where one can make more than $8/hr AND “follow the dream.” To answer the second question, I would like to reply, “No! No matter how hard working in a restaurant can be, it‘s can be a lot of fun too.” That will likely be part of my next blog! Watch out!
So, in wrapping this up, if you don’t know what kind of tipper you are, here are some easy rules to go by….
1) 20% tip is good. Based on your experience (and your plans to return to the establishment) 2% in either direction will get your point across without voyaging into a red flag tip area. If you're bad at math (like me), just look at the sales tax on the check, double it and add a dollar. There's your 20%....easy peasy!
2) If you find a server/bartender who buys you an occasional drink, you must tip on that drink!! Just because they discount it as a show of good will, doesn’t mean that it took any less steps to provide it.
3) If you really have a problem with your food or service, talk to a manager before you leave. You may be surprised to find that your opinion matters and is valued.
4) If you can’t afford to tip your server, then you can’t afford to go out to dinner. It’s a full package.
5) Remember the golden rule…..treat others as you would expect to be treated. Personally AND financially.
Happy Dining…..Tip your waiters!
Mark Twain said, "A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation." While I agree that this is especially true of people who consistently phrase sentences to exploit words like ‘douche bag’ and ‘awesome’, I differ from Twain in my understanding of a man’s character. After over a decade of working in restaurants, I believe that a man’s real character may be learned from how he tips.
In my experiences within the restaurant business, it has become abundantly clear to me that there are no less than five types of tippers….therefore, in my opinion, there are only five categories of guests with which I will interact throughout the day.
1) The “pay as you play-er”
2) The “pile maker”
3) The “fifteen percent-er”
4) The “over-the-topper”
5) The “stiffer”
Let’s start with number 1, the “pay as you play” guest. This is the guy/gal at the bar who will buy a drink with cash and leave a dollar for each drink as he/she goes. Now, this is the most common type of tipper. However, it should be noted that, as a bartender, there is an enormous difference between popping a bottled beer open……and with making you a Cadillac Margarita consisting of fresh muddled lime, no salt, shaken and strained (half over ice and the rest in a martini glass). Both drinks should not garner the same $1 bill as a tip. Although the buck is great for the beer (and even a few easy-to-make, pink martini’s), an extra buck on that high maintenance tequila-fest goes a loooong way! Ole!
Next, the “pile-maker.” No, this is not in reference to the friendly, slur-happy accountant who makes a wee-wee at the bar and then, awe-inspired, points and laughs at it as though he had fully regressed to a 14 month old. Although, I’ve seen that guy in action, the “pile-maker” actually refers to the lesser known of the tippers. This is the guy that sits at the bar and, instead of opening a credit card tab (as most do), may start with something large, like a hundred dollar bill, which is to be broken down into change drink-by-drink….all the while, leaving his pile of cash in front of him at the bar. This is to signal to the bartender that …
1. He can afford to drink
2. He’s going to be there……for AWHILE.
3. He doesn’t want you to interrupt him by constantly asking for his last name (to find his tab).
What this tipper says to me is that he is probably fiscally responsible (according to his lack of credit card), that he is uncomfortable having conversation with minimum wage earners, that he is likely accustomed to heavy drinking (because he clearly understands the not-so-well-known rule of ‘”piling”), and that if an attractive woman sits within eye-shot, that he is hopeful of appearing LOADED and AVAILABLE for inquiries as to his job and marital status. All in all, this guy is not my favorite. However, if he doesn’t reach the bottom of his pile before stumbling out the door (while leaving the remains of his pile on the bar), he is often a great tipper. On the other hand, if he depletes that hefty pile before parting ways, he could possibly fall into either the “fifteen percent-er” or “stiffer” categories, depending on how many drinkypoos he digested…..making him a not-so-favorite guest the next time he lays his cash out on my bar.
The third type of tipper is the “fifteen percent-er.” This tipper is usually over the age of 55 OR a European. I say this because only our more advanced-in-age guests and our foreign, albeit tourist-y, guests are under the impression that 15% is a good tip. This is due, in part. to out-of-date US travel guides and/or to an out-of-date understanding of how the service industry works. For example, my grandfather, a well-regarded, well-educated southern gentleman is by all means a social elite in his community. By most standards, he’s not only a wealthy man, but a socially conscious one as well. However, on the many occasions that we’ve dined together, it has become evident to me that he is a “fifteen percent-er”. Now, with this information, I think it’s important to point out that he was tipping 15% back in the early 90’s as well. As is true for many of our American senior citizens, he just hasn’t been able to grasp the idea of adjusting for inflation. It is true that in 1991, tipping 15% was nearly qualifying him as an “over-the-topper,” but as the US dollar has inflated and housing prices have skyrocketed, service tips have become necessary to the income of the minimum-wage-earning service community. Now, as far as our European friends, I’ve always been impressed by their world education and language skills. Therefore, I am sticking to my theory that they may just, in fact, be using their European-ness to knowingly rip off our hard working American servers and blame it on the fact that they don’t normally tip at all in Europe. Well, to those Euro-hipsters I say, you’re in America now! Since we’re lacking in your Euro-style social safety nets (I’ll leave my opinion out on that one), we have to put faith in the idea that all of our guests will tip an average of 20% so that we may be able to provide for ourselves the many great services that you all provide for each other. USA = every man for himself!
Next, we should spend some time analyzing and assessing the childhoods of the “over the toppers.” There are only a few reasons why people overcompensate any time they are faced with an option like tipping...
1) Their parents told them they would never amount to anything, and they believe that during the 60 minutes you’re serving them, that you will undoubtedly come to the same conclusion….and they aim to prove you (and their parents) wrong.
2) They believe that money = power, and power = a date with the hot waitress. (PS….Hey, CAA Junior Agent…..she’s not gonna blow you because you left her 30%. Give her your card and promise her a speaking role in the next Spielberg movie……that should do the trick!)
3) They are super loaded and have the opposite of the “fifteen percent-er“ syndrome. (ie; their business manager does most of their daily financial dealings). Oh brother!
4) They’re drunk and have no idea that the hundred dollar bill they just left you wasn’t a ten dollar bill they meant to leave .
This particular tipper is tricky. They’re hard to gauge, and most of the time, they’ve left the building before you even notice that this guy is an “over the topper.” So, if you’re a server who’s into guys that try to buy your affections, it’s usually too late to say thank you and ask for his number. However, if you’re a cynic like me, it’s usually a relief to know that you don’t have to pretend to be thankful to a guy that was obviously trying to manipulate you with a tip. Geez!
Finally, the last kind of tipper, the “stiffer” is simply-put, an asshole. Let’s break down the steps of service we provide for that big pile of nothing you think our hard work is worth, shall we….
I bring a smile and energy to your table in order to make you feel comfortable and at home in our establishment. I then tell you about our specials, offer to get you whatever drink you’d like….basil?? Sure, we can make you something with basil! I answer any menu questions you have, and then laugh at your “hilarious” interpretation of what the “jerk chicken” REALLY means. I go put your drink order in the computer, make your drink, bring you your drink and top off your water glasses. I perfectly time your appetizer order so that your JUST finishing it as your entrée is ready (and piping hot). I go fetch you that bottle of tobasco…..oh wait, you’d rather have Tapatia?? No problem….let me go find every hot sauce option we can muster up. After that, I bring you an extra napkin because you’re a freakin’ slob. I again laugh at how adorable “messy” can be, and refill your waters again. Once I’m sure you’ve been satisfied by things so far, I clean your disgusting plates away (all the while, getting bits of your chewed up chicken fat on my new shirt) and in return, bring you an array of dessert options that my trainer would never even allow me to look at. You want the molten chocolate cake??? Fuck you, my hormones say, but I bring it with my everlasting smile and charm and watch you devour it while every fiber of my being wants to strip it away from you and scream how unfair it is that I’m supposed to be skinny and you can be a fat, unfunny PIG!! I digress……I clear away the empty plate with sheer sadness but pull my chocolate-longing together and return with profound excitement for the big payoff. I drop the check and ask how you enjoyed everything, and you reply with, “hmmmm…it was…..fine” I immediately think, “Uh-oh! This can’t be good.” Sure enough, $45 dollar tab, with ZERO tip?!? It can’t be!!! After all of that?!?!
All I can say is KARMA IS A BITCH, A**HOLE!….and I never forget a face! Come on back and see us, ya hear!
Now, I can hear some of you saying, “if you want more money, get another kind of job!“ OR “you think that’s hard? Try my job for a week!“ To the first guy, I say, “This is LA, and if you want to audition in this town, you have to be available during the day. This means that you have to be able to work at night. Since most gals out here prefer to keep their clothes on at work (unless “Californication” calls) and pride themselves on not breaking any laws, working in restaurants is the only real option where one can make more than $8/hr AND “follow the dream.” To answer the second question, I would like to reply, “No! No matter how hard working in a restaurant can be, it‘s can be a lot of fun too.” That will likely be part of my next blog! Watch out!
So, in wrapping this up, if you don’t know what kind of tipper you are, here are some easy rules to go by….
1) 20% tip is good. Based on your experience (and your plans to return to the establishment) 2% in either direction will get your point across without voyaging into a red flag tip area. If you're bad at math (like me), just look at the sales tax on the check, double it and add a dollar. There's your 20%....easy peasy!
2) If you find a server/bartender who buys you an occasional drink, you must tip on that drink!! Just because they discount it as a show of good will, doesn’t mean that it took any less steps to provide it.
3) If you really have a problem with your food or service, talk to a manager before you leave. You may be surprised to find that your opinion matters and is valued.
4) If you can’t afford to tip your server, then you can’t afford to go out to dinner. It’s a full package.
5) Remember the golden rule…..treat others as you would expect to be treated. Personally AND financially.
Happy Dining…..Tip your waiters!
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